i just for no reason the past few days ive been getting hit with random waves of pure sadness. and ever since i went to the doctors a few weeks ago and my dad saw the markings on me i lied to him about it has just all gone down hill. i bottle everything up and right now im just about to burst at the seams… i want to SI so badly… but ive pretty much promised 2 ppl i really truly care about i wouldnt but i dont know what else to turn to anymore i dont wanna shut down because when i come back its only a matter of time before it all comes crashing back down on me. and i dont want to let them down either… i feel like no matter what i do where i go or who i see i always find some way to let them down even my parents… and i cant write anymore i havent in like a year because they go through my everything and read it so i just really dont know what to do. and im trying so very hard but im so stressed with everything…. and i just cant take it anymore… someone… please help me… i really need it about now… just anything that can possibly keep me from doing this again…