Alone inside my head is a scary place to go. I scare myself with the thoughts and images, but talk myself out of it by

Promising myself that the consequences will happen.

Will be worse.

Alone is never good when you are struggling. When you are alone, it is too easy to believe everything that you think. When you are alone, it is easy to fool yourself into thinking

That there is no way out.

I met her when I was vulnerable. Wanting to experiment.

Her scars made me cry.

Her fear made me scared.

Her pain made me hurt so badly.

Then I made my own scars.

They made me cry.

I scared myself.

And the pain made me hurt so badly.

We grabbed on to each other for dear life, not knowing how far we were falling. How far we were pulling each other down, as we spun out of control.

A proverbial slap in the face came in the form of her telling me she was not going to have anything to do with my problems anymore.

My mistake was thinking she

Didn’t really mean that.

The I lost her, too. The only person who ever understood.

I still care about her. Is that bad? I can’t make myself believe that she took my other ex-best friend’s side, laughing at me. I can’t seem to let go. I can’t seem to make myself accept that it’s over. Even after all the substances she uses, the tools she could still be using. Even after she laughs at me, then fools me into thinking she still cares about me.

How can I let her go?

She was always there for me. She was the only one who understood my pain.

How can I let that go?