Does anyone else feel like sometimes you just don’t want to fight anymore, like you’re just tired of everything? Lately everything just seems to be shoved in my face and I can’t deal with things like I used to. What I used to do is mold myself to the people around me, whoever I was with I would pick up on the things they needed in a friend and then I would just bring up parts of myself and make a new person customized for them. But I don’t feel like lying and not being completely myself and people are not really likeing me so much anymore. I finally am just letting myself show and be upset when I used to only let people see me as who they wanted. Forever I have been patient with all these people I love them and I always will it just hurts when they don’t like you when your actually being yourself.
I vented a lot on this site a few days ago and it felt a lot better to get stuff out when usually I can’t be honest like that. My really close friends are wonderful people. They all have such colorful personalitys that are all different in their own wonderful and cool ways.
One of my friends is so smart and I don’t mean just book smart but life smart to. She is I think one of the only ones that I am almost completely honest with. She listens and she helps me a lot. She is so cool and I love her so much. But lately I feel like we are drifting away and I am scared because she is I have to say my best friend along with maybe two others but its hard to tell anymore who is my friend. I am such a lie to everyone.
Another really good friend of mine is so funny he is always full of energy and can make you smile no matter what kind of day you are having. How we became friends is kinda weird but I love him all the same. He was my ex- boyfriend thing’s friend before we knew eachother and so I was stuck with him because of my ex. My ex cheated on me with the on and off girl friend of my now friend, who at the time was only the dudes friend. so because he lost a friend and I lost a boyfriend we were kinda just left behind together.
My other really good friend is this girl who I am sad to say is the perfect example of a blonde (no affence to the blondes out there). But she is another really funny one. She is a kind of mix between a mom and a sister all bundled in one. She is always cookig and whenever I help her on homework and stuff shes always saying she’ll pay me back by cooking for me. She is always making sisterly jokes that can be harsh but I just throw one at her back.
These three people I consider more of my family then even my real family. The dude I was talking about is just like a weird brother that sometimes you wonder why you love him. The really smart girl I was talking about is the big sister type who you look up to for advice and I love her so much. And the one who cooks all the time I already said she like a weird mix of mom and sister some one you can always go to for a hug. These are the people who keep me going and whever I feel like giving up like today I just think of them and how much I love them.
So if it helps just whever you feel like giving up or letting the urge to SI overcome you think about the people in your lfe who, nomatter what the addiction tells you, you have no doubt love you. I know the addiction can make you think and believe that no one loves you but you need something or somebody to keep you going and to wash the doubt away.
I love you all and if you ever need to talk just email me at firstname.lastname@example.org