I’ve been suffering with an eating disorder for about a year now. I see a school guidance counselor, as well as a therapist, once a week, and a nutritionist every two weeks. My friends were the ones to tell my guidance counselor about my problems and she told my parents, since it was too hard for me to. Since then my life has been going downhill. My grades have dropped, my friends have abandoned me because it is too hard and too scary for them to deal with, my family is so disappointed with me and they make fun of me saying that I’m retarded. But worst of all, I’ve been harming myself. When I was in 7th grade (I am now a freshman in high school – 9th grade), I felt depressed most of the time and at one point took pills to make me feel better (thinking it would take away the emotional pain) and tried self-harming my body. At that time, I was too afraid to do anything, but now, my fear is gone. My life has spun out of control and the only thing to do to help is self-harm. Since my road to recovery (from the eating disorder), all I’ve done is screw up my family’s lives and my friend’s lives. I haven’t been getting better. I need to be able to tell somebody but I don’t know how. I told my guidance counselor I have something important to tell her but I am too afraid to tell her the truth. Maybe I’ll just make up a story about something else. My therapist asked me so many times if I’ve ever self-harmed but instead of telling her the truth, I just mumble, “I don’t know.” I don’t want to lie…. I’ve been lying too much lately to start any more lies. I was to tell my family but nobody will understand. I don’t have the parents that will be there with you no matter what. I have a mom who just complains about how much I screw up her life and a dad who is too afraid to tell me what he is thinking. My brothers and sister are too judgemental to tell. I know what there response will be – “You’re retarded. Why don’t you just be like a normal person? You’re really screwed up.” But they are right anyways. I promised myself a month ago I would turn my life around but since then, I think it’s probably gotten worse. I started hurting myself again, but as I look at the scars that are fading away, I feel the need to make more. I stumbled across this site not looking for help, but looking for ways to cover the scars. I need help, but I don’t know how to find it.