“Every day’s the same
She fights to find her way
She hurts, she breaks, she hides, and tries to pray
She wonders why, does anyone ever hear her when she cries
Today she’s turning sixteen
Everyone singing, but she can’t seem to smile
They never get past arms length
How could they act like everything is alright?
She’s pulling down her long sleeves
To cover all the memories that scars leave
She says, “maybe making me hurt
will be the answer that could wash the slate clean”
This song I know by heart now. It plays over and over in my head. 3 years ago, 7th grade, was the first time I SI. It has always been a relief from everything. It has always been my secret. It has become almost a habit now. I can some times resist, but more often then not I say “its okay, its the last time”. I used to have a reason, and real specific reason that made everything okay, but now it just happens. SI has become a relief for little things. I guess I am posting this to just tell someone. Not to keep this all a secret. Some of my friends have noticed but not enough to really say anything or stop me. I am the person to just say everything is okay when in reality NOTHING in okay. I am losing friends, I am becoming distance and SI has been my answer. I want my old, happy life back. I want to stop SI but I don’t know how I can. Any advice?