so tomorrow, i am determined to have a good day. for the first time in a month i am actually doing my hair and make up. im not wearing a huge sweatshirt to hide my scars. im going to fake a smile even it if kills me. but we will see how that goes. people will think im better on the outside, but in the inside im screaming. screaming for help, for someone to see through my act. i wish there was someone that could look in my eyes and see my real pain. the one person that could see through me, cant. probably because i run away from him and avoid him at all costs. im trying to work out in myhead  how long i cant run away from my problems. im trying not to get my hopes up though. im getting used to that concept. every time i think that something will go good for me, it doesnt. that hasnt happened since.. wow i cant remember when things were going good for me. i cant remember when i was happy either. im so worried though. i keep trying to me head up high, but every time i see all of the people that caused my SI, i want to fall. i want to run home into bed and cry.  friends tell me that im strong for not talking to him, but i feel so weak. then again, they dont know about me SIing. well, lets hope things go good for me, for once.


P.S. someone on here, i cant remember who, put some lyrics up to the song face up by lights. ive been listening to that song ever since i heard it. so basically, thank you. it really did make me feel a little better.