So i realized i cant live the live my parents want me to anymore. They cant control me anymore. im 21 years old. technically an adult. i work, i have a car payment, i go to school. its time to live for me. i finally told my mom i dropped one of my classes today. she still thinks im enrolled in the other two, which im not, but what they dont know wont hurt them. So anyways, i know i totally had to lie to get to the point that i dropped the course so i told her theres this major exam that if i dont pass i need to drop the course blah blah blah. So today i told her i dropped it. I havnt told my dad yet, but im sure my mom has kept him up to date on all this stuff. Anyway i know what i want to do. I want to get into psychology. I know its weird since ive stuggled with SI. But when i graduated high school its what i wanted to do. My family told me its not a good choice, it doesnt pay well, ill be around “Crazy” people all the time. I wanted to yell back at them, that i was in fact a “Crazy” person as they put it. Anyway ive given the medical path a shot. Ive been a biology major for THREE years now. This summer will mark my third year at a community college. Wanna know the last time i passed a class? Last summer. Why? Because i take these science classes that i HATE, none of it makes me happy. I told them a year ago i didnt want to be a science major anymore, i wanted to get into psychology, maybe minor in english. They went off on me how im lazy and how i dont want to go down the hard path etc etc. So i mean, i had to shut up and do what they wanted me to. Well now im done. I told my mom i want to major in psychology. And in fact i will jump ahead a little because the classes for psych is so much easier to get into and ill only really need 20 credits to graduate or transfer. So why would i put myself through all that just to make them happy? Cuz ive always done that. But look where thats got me. Covered i scars, ashamed to take my cloths off when i try on stuff at the mall with my friends. I have to cover up at the pool becuase i have scars. I have to worry about how covered i am at work, with my family, just out in general. THATS what being the perfect daughter did to me. Well im done. Its the new and (somewhat trying to) imporved me. I do stuff for me. I come first. Ha, i wish i really believed that. But im going to try. I will fight this. This is a battle i need to win. My parents think im happy. They havnt seen me happy since i was 13. Even then i wasnt happy. So.. they dont really know who the happy person is. I never show it to them. All they see is a fake smile, cheesy jokes, when inside im literally dying every day cuz i do what they expect of me. Well, im done. 4 days without SI. I want to make it 7. Then after 7 i want to make it 2 weeks. Then three. Then never. Dont we all?
Oh and p.s… my old name on here was iheartwater… lol just in case you were wondering.. =]