So i realized i cant live the live my parents want me to anymore.  They cant control me anymore. im 21 years old. technically an adult.  i work, i have a car payment, i go to school.  its time to live for me.  i finally told my mom i dropped one of my classes today.  she still thinks im enrolled in the other two, which im not, but what they dont know wont hurt them.  So anyways, i know i totally had to lie to get to the point that i dropped the course so i told her theres this major exam that if i dont pass i need to drop the course blah blah blah.  So today i told her i dropped it. I havnt told my dad yet, but im sure my mom has kept him up to date on all this stuff.  Anyway i know what i want to do.  I want to get into psychology.  I know its weird since ive stuggled with SI.  But when i graduated high school its what i wanted to do.  My family told me its not a good choice, it doesnt pay well, ill be around “Crazy” people all the time.  I wanted to yell back at them, that i was in fact a “Crazy” person as they put it.  Anyway ive given the medical path a shot.  Ive been a biology major for THREE years now. This summer will mark my third year at a community college. Wanna know the last time i passed a class?  Last summer. Why? Because i take these science classes that i HATE, none of it makes me happy. I told them a year ago i didnt want to be a science major anymore, i wanted to get into psychology, maybe minor in english.  They went off on me how im lazy and how i dont want to go down the hard path etc etc.  So i mean, i had to shut up and do what they wanted me to.  Well now im done.  I told my mom i want to major in psychology.  And in fact i will jump ahead a little because the classes for psych is so much easier to get into and ill only really need 20 credits to graduate or transfer.  So why would i put myself through all that just to make them happy? Cuz ive always done that.  But look where thats got me. Covered i scars, ashamed to take my cloths off when i try on stuff at the mall with my friends.  I have to cover up at the pool becuase i have scars. I have to worry about how covered i am at work, with my family, just out in general.  THATS what being the perfect daughter did to me.  Well im done.  Its the new and (somewhat trying to) imporved me.  I do stuff for me.  I come first.  Ha, i wish i really believed that.  But im going to try.  I will fight this. This is a battle i need to win.  My parents think im happy. They havnt seen me happy since i was 13.  Even then i wasnt happy.  So.. they dont really know who the happy person is.  I never show it to them.  All they see is a fake smile, cheesy jokes, when inside im literally dying every day cuz i do what they expect of me. Well, im done.  4 days without SI.  I want to make it 7.  Then after 7 i want to make it 2 weeks. Then three. Then never. Dont we all? 

Oh and p.s… my old name on here was iheartwater… lol just in case you were wondering..  =]