I just wanted to let everyone know that this weekend went really well. I didn’t have any urges to SI and actually had a great time. I had to bring my tool (I needed it for projects), but I didn’t use it on myself. I also made the choice to bring something else I use to injure myself, and I gave them to my best friend so that I didn’t have them anymore.
Overall, it was just great. I built up a lot of self-confidence, and I was able to do things I never thought I’d be able to do. I was the only girl at the training (it’s for the Boy Scouts — I’m working at their camp this summer), and I surprised not only myself, but all the guys, with my strength and determination. I think they had some pre-made misconceptions about me and my abilities, but I showed them and myself wrong. I guess I never realized how strong I am (both mentally and physically), and how much determination I have. In fact, the instructors pointed that out. For ex: I was having trouble with tying some knots that we had to learn, and once I finally got this one knot down, they were gonna mark it off the list, and I was told them no, that I wanted to tie it a few more times to make sure I had it down. It surprised them that I wanted to do that, instead of just being like, “oh okay, I’m done, mark it off”.
All in all, I left this weekend feeling much more self-confident and realized that I am a lot more strong (as I said, physically and mentally) than I thought. I didn’t have any urges to SI, I didn’t use my tool in an inappropriate way, and I was able to give my best friend some tools that I *do* use to injure myself.
Also, as a side note: no one asked about my scars. That made me pretty happy.
So yeah…as of right now, I’m doing really good. I’m feeling really good about myself right now. Hopefully that feeling sticks around for a while.
Hope everyone is doing well, and thanks for all the suggestions on my last post!
Have a good day!