before i started my SI, i had it all. i was one of those people that could laugh off anything. anything. its what has been getting me though my first year of highschool. and it shocks everyone to know about my story. my real story. not the rumors that girls spread about me for no reason. i used to help people like me. last year successfully got my best friend to stop SI. but what happens to me? i have no one now.

for the record, this is my first ever post here and im hoping i can get advice from people that understand where i am comming from

everyone always asks me “are you okay”
i hate those words. it seems that everyone asks that now but it gets so old. i know im not ok! they know im not ok. i know people try to help but the advice doesnt help. they dont know what is going on in my head. when most of friends give me “advice” it more like saying “let me tell you my whole depressing story so you can feel a little more pathetic”. i went to some girls that i thought i trust to help my SI. i expected some guidence, being that im 14 and their 16 and 17, but did i get it? no i did not. later that night these girls all posted on their myspace about my SI. the hardest part of this all? that i had to tell the person that originally caused my SI the truth about it because i didnt want other people to tell him.

my whole reason for my SI is for a boy, and yes ive heard it before, i know that its either stupid or illogical. i had been on quits for almost a month when i lost him again. then i just restarting this past weekend. i havent told anyone because i didnt want a repeat of what happened before. i feel like im on the edge of a breakdown. i always have these horrific nightmares that make me feel like there is no hope for me. thats why i am here. i know there are people on here that know where i am coming from and wont think or judge me. so, any advice?