The first time I harmed myself physically was three years ago (2007) I was 13 years old and lost in a world where all I knew was anger and sadness. I am now 15 years old and unfortunetly,I cannot honestly say that I dont ever think about harming myself. I haven’t,but I do still think about it. I never left scars on myself. The reasoning was because I was afaraid of the pain,but yet I welcomed it at the same time. And,when I didnt injure enough, I felt like a coward and I told myself I was. Honestly,I wanted someone to see my injuries and help me. I wanted them to see the pain I was feeling inside that was displayed on me. I just wanted help.
I never got help,if you are wondering. The only reason I stopped was because a friend who is very dear to my heart,broke down and told me I was breaking HER heart. I couldn’t cause someone else pain just so I could release mine.
I struggle everyday with what I think is depression,but others think is just teenage moodieness. My past haunts me and follows me wherever I go like a inky,thick fog which clouds my mind and breaks me down everyday.
I think the reason I joined the S.A.F.E website was to be able to write out what I couldnt speak,in hope someone who shares my same expericances would reach out and share their story with me. But,Im not sure how all of this works and what will happen.
This is me,and I am uncertain.