Hey. I’m new to the site. This is my first post. The name’s Zoey.
I’m really really confused right now. And really really angry. I’m really angry with myself for allowing myself to get back into this ugly habit. I was ‘sober’, if you will, for at least a month and a half, minimum, the only slip-ups being when it got to be too much and I would injure. Big whoop. It’s gotten worse. And it leaves scars. It can be really ugly. I don’t want to do this anymore. But I can’t stop. I want to stop so bad. But I deserve this. I’m stupid and worthless. I deserve it.
I want to tell someone. I want to get better. But I can’t. My sister found out last summer when I was just fooling around and flipped out, said I broke her heart. Imagine what would happen if she found out now? But does she really care now? Maybe she did then. But I don’t know about now. If someone really looked closely enough, looked at me (it isn’t all that obvious, but someone could figure it out), and looked in my eyes, they would know. But she just turns a blind eye. She doesn’t want to get involved in this, doesn’t want to believe that I could be involved with this again. I don’t want to be involved in this again. I don’t want it.
This is awful.
Anyone have any advice, tips, comments, advice? Please.