People who know of my SI. problem ask me why? why do I do it? and because it numbs out the pain I’m feeling inside, as dumb as that sounds. Also it helps me forget easier. I don’t do it just to do it, or because I think it looks cool. I have my reasons. And sometimes it calms me down when I start to panic. Which is a lot. So am I stupid for doing it? Yes. Does that mean I’ll stop? No. I can’t give it up. WEll atleast I don’t think I can. Would I like to stop? Yes. But I just don’t know any other way to cope, I try to find other ways, but none seem to work as good as SI. :/
So what do I do then? who knows? any advice people? Because I’m blank when it comes to this besides SI. Which I know I need to stop, believe me I do know.
I think your lucky to know why you SI. I know that at 29 I still have not figured out why I started or why I even do it. I go completely numb before, after and during SI’ing. I have not been able to figure it all out but I know that what made me stop was telling my partner and making a plan around when/if I SI. Having someone else besides my therapist hold me accounmtable seems to work. And we all relapse, its ok just keep trying. I never thought I would tell anyone, but I find that the more people I tell the more freeing it feels…weird I know!
I have the same reasons as you. I know how it feels too. With me, my heart starts pumping so hard and i feel like I’m about to explode!! And I SI and it calms me down. But all of us need to stay stong. Try finding something else that makes you feel calm without hurting yourself. Like take a drive to blow off some steam, take a walk, scream, or listen to music. Good luck