So something weird happened and I need to put it here because I think the only ones who would understand are those who SI…

It has been a very stressful month for me with living in a new place by myself, starting a new job, etc. I was in need of a little pampering and relaxation so I went for a massage. I have gotten professional massages before and no one has ever commented on my many scars. (I never go with any current injuries) I think it is one of those “don’t ask, don’t tell kind of things”, also its not like I think these people will go tell anyone because I am assuming they have some sort of oath of confidence they have to go by – kind of like a doctor.

Anyway, this time was different. I was trying to relax when the lady gets to my arm and comments on the scars. Right away I am no longer relaxed. She asks how I got them. It’s not like I am not open to it if someone asks me, but I always have long sleeves on so I am never asked. I try to just avoid it altogether. I tell her that  I have scars all over. She proceeds to ask way -and again this is a massage, I am supposed to be relaxing. I just tell her that I didn’t have the best childhood and left it at that. She then asks if she can show me some techniques on reducing the scars  using massage. A bit weird, but I said sure, why not…

The whole scar talking espisode only lasted about 2 or so minutes, but it was weird. I can not remember the last time someone asked about my scars. Most people are too umcomfortable to ask, or it is just not the polite thing to do, I guess. One person can take one look and know that the scars are not from a cat or me falling off my bike. It has been too many years of SI to make those excuses anymore and people actually believe it.

So, the whole things was just way out of the norm for me – But it is not like it was bad. I almost wanted to talk about it – sort of. Being in a new place and not having any friends or any one to talk to, I get lonely. And I just want to talk. SI has been on my mind a lot. I need some comfort. I have not given in, and I am not foreseeing that I will, but I still wanted to talk.

Sorry, for the randomness of this, I justd needed to get it out and was hoping that some of you may understand.