What I understand is that I have a couple of friends, good friends, who are mad at me. We have talked things out and things were supposed to change but they didn’t. Everything is worse. I feel like I can’t even go around our friend group because the two people are mad at me. I know this isn’t fact because I have seen multiple people from our big friend group and they seem fine with me. But in the back of my head, they are talking bad about me. So I si(ed) a couple weeks ago. It didn’t do anything except make me want to keep doing it. I haven’t. But I’m tired of the urges. I don’t know what to do. I really don’t. I’m just tired of this fighting and people telling me to get over it and wanting to do bad things.
I know how you feel…I used to have the same problem with my friends. A few years ago, they all started to talk about me behind my back. They started to make fun of me to my face. They even told me recently that they did these things because “It was funny when I got mad”. I started trying to hang out with other people, because other people were saying I deserved better friends. That only seemed to make things worse…then I got blamed for being a bad friend and ditching them. Now, it all seems kind of petty to them because things are “better”, but I still look back and wonder if thats how I got to the point of SIing now…not nessicarily the problems we had, but the feeling of worthlessness I was left with.
I can’t say to ignore it or get over it, because I know how awful it feels, but I also can’t tell you honestly that hanging out with other people made things better either. All I can really say is that you definitly do not deserve to be treated like you are overreacting becaus people are being mean to you. I know thats not much help, but if someone besides my parents had told me that I was worth something a few years ago when this all started, that maybe I’d be better off now.
So you don’t need to get over it. You just need to know that you deserve to be treated better. =)
I wish I believe that I deserve to be treated better.
But i don’t. I feel like i deserve everything that happens