Trying to live up to my sister’s image is bad enough. She’s the perfect one; blonde, tall, skinny and smart.
Finding out that she’s just as messed up as i am, i don’t know which is worse. Finding out things i don’t want to find out is putting me in a rut.
Finding out that she’s miserable even. But more than that, that she can’t even talk to me about it. What am i supposed to do?
It’s funny, i tell her that she shouldn’t hurt herself. I tell her that it’s not good for her and that it’s not worth it, she’s better than that. But i sit there and ignore my own advice. I sit there and become a hypocrite, self harming myself when i tell her that she’s better than that. But that’s because she is and I’m not. She’ll always be the better one of us two.
I know what it’s like to feel like you have to live up to someone who’s always going to be better in everyone elses eyes…everyone I know knows my cousin. Evrything I’ve done, he’s done it better. In high school, he was the Golden Boy.
Now, he has problems of his own…he doesn’t SI, or anything, but he struggles with depression and stuff. We used to be able to talk about everything. But now, it’s so hard because neither of us knows how to help the other.
We have the same dreams and goals, which only make it hard, because I feel like it puts me even more in his shadow. Not even depression can be my own. He’s depressed too…and apparently handling it better becuase I SI and he doesn’t.
And you say you think you’re a hypocrite, but here I am, writing this comment, about to tell you that your sister isn’t better than you, while I still think my cousin is better than me. So, I apologize for my hypocricy, but here goes:
Telling your sister to stop and trying to help her doesn’t make you a hypocrite. It makes you a good person. To care enough to be concerned even after feeling trapped in her shadow says a lot about you. So, for some reason, I don’t believe she’ll always be better, because it sounds to me like you’ve got a lot going for you.
your not a hypocite. My best friend used to SI in high school, and when she told me, i went out of my way to help her. I talked to school counselors with her, told her mom with her, got her help. All along I was Si-ing. But reguardless, it makes you like AlwaysMaybe said a good person. <3