So, two days ago I SIed for the first time. I’m not sure why I did it… my life has just been so crazy lately. My parents are in the middle of a bad divorce (my dad cheated), and I’ve been doubting all of my beliefs in everything: God, love, trust…it’s so hard for me to trust people. I rarely trust myself.
Now that I’ve SIed, it’s all I think about. In school, I’m caught btween making sure no one can see, and fighting the urge to do it again…
Sometimes I feel like I want to stop trying. I get so mad at myself about my grades. I know I can do so much better. But I never do. I know I’ve disappointed my parents. I’m also terrified of the future. I want to get into college, and have a career, the problem is that everyone I know is comparing me to my cousin. He’s more like my brother/best friend, than he is a cousin, and I used to trust him with everything. Now that he’s gone away to school, I feel like I have no one who understands me.
Recently, I bacame friends with his best friend. He tries to help me, becaus ehe went through almost the same things at my age, so he really knows how I feel. For a while I could trust him with anything. But he’s 5 years older than me, and he has his own problems, and now I feel like I’m just whining all the time, so I’m back to having no one to talk to.
Anyway, I’m not sure why I suddenly started, I’d never really considered it before, but now I’m pretty scared…help please?