So I told myself I was going just to forget about all of this. I told myself I was going to put that mask back up and tell everyone I’m fine. But then I told my friend again. Gave her an update. Not only that but I’m so distracted in school now, I can never concentrate. I’m almost at the point of giving up in school, but that would mean next year would be a repeat and that would be so humiliating. But I just feel like I can’t do anything more.

I’ve tried countless times to stop, each time getting back into it it gets worse. So what now? What happens next? I’ve never really been one to take a step forward, never one to be ‘aggressive’. I’ve reached out for help a couple of times, and they think I’m doing okay. But if they just saw the truth. I don’t know what to do, and I need to be pushed in the right direction. I’m just spinning in circles. What now? How do I find hope in this darkness, in this never ending hole? How do I move on? I just don’t know.

I miss God, my faith, I miss having motivation, I miss caring about life. I miss it all. But I’m lost and confused and I don’t know what to do. I am ready to give up completely.