well i had a good track going.  but i gave in this morning.  when i think of school, of my future, i break down. i literally start breathing hard, sweating, wanting to SI.  i panic. i wish i could be honest with my mom.  she thinks im so perfect.  im not. im sorry your little girl isnt who you think she is.   i was a the gym this morning and started talking to the girl who does the class, and we were talking about my work and school, and she said “you dont have to hurt yourself if you dont reach that goal in time” ( i said i wanted to be done with school by the time i was 29) (im 21 now).  It totally caught me off guard. i did not mention anything to her about my SI.  i mean scars are obvious but i never thought that obvious. maybe she meant it in general.  it made me feel worse because i had just SI-ed.  maybe im thinking too far into it. oh well.