When I look at all of the websites, books, and informational stuff I always ponder whether they’ll help me or not. I’m not this young teen who has issues because she’s changing in her life. I’m legally an adult and am afraid I wont ever come out of this.
There are times when I feel like I could be bipolar. But that doesn’t run in our family, not saying it’s not possible. I have gone to doctors and nothing came about. At one moment I am happy and fine… I could last that way throughout the entire day. Then when it becomes night time and my boyfriend and I have gotten into a fight, then it’s initially my fault. That he doesn’t need to be with someone like me. I begin to feel myself drown and get into a depression. I don’t understand half the things that I think about or what goes on in my mind, all I know is that it’s my fault.
I wake up the next morning and it’s gone. I feel better about myself, and the page has turned.
I enjoy drawing and writing, so most of the time that is how I releave my anger. Or I listen to music. I haven’t SI myself in a very long time, I’m afraid I will. & When I do, my boyfriend will leave me, my parent’s will be furious, and no one will be there to help. In my opinion I don’t feel I grow the need to attract attention, but I mostly just want clarity and understanding with my feelings/emotions and what is going on. Right now my mind is in an endless fog.
i no how you feel me dad says bi-polar runs in our family in every single women. i no what you mean by feeling different, by day and night. i find when your really happy or really sad, write something then read it when your the opposite mood. idk if it will help but it made me realize im this way and helped open my eyes, it miht be able to help you in some way too
I understand completely, i’ve been in and out with docter appointments for years, and it seems to have no effect on me, but well I guess I’m responding to this to clarify that your not alone on this, trust me, and I’m always open for giving advice to people, even though sometimes I might not give the best advice, well…most of the time actually but I guess it helps to vent with someone, and it seems strangers are sometimes easier to talk to then people in your family or friends, and I’m definetly not a therapist, but idk. I’m here, I’ll listen.
Thank you both for your comments.
“why bother”: I’ll be sure to take your advice and write more often. I have so many journals, but nothing in them for the fear of feeling like a pyscho when/if someone were to read them, or that the stereotypical “Dead Diary” would come into play.
“callmefelicia”: You are entirely right when it comes to speaking with family and friends. I tried communicating more with my mother, but she finds a fear in it that I’ll SI myself to a point where it could end in suicide. After reading a recommended book, “Bodily Harm” by Karen Conterio, from a previous comment left I intially felt better. Like someone out there understood exactly what I’ve been going through for years. I’ve tried speaking to my boyfriend and even my best friend about how I feel, but they find it to just be a depression, they never have truely tried to sit down and speak with me or to understand it.