When I look at all of the websites, books, and informational stuff I always ponder whether they’ll help me or not. I’m not this young teen who has issues because she’s changing in her life. I’m legally an adult and am afraid I wont ever come out of this.
There are times when I feel like I could be bipolar. But that doesn’t run in our family, not saying it’s not possible. I have gone to doctors and nothing came about. At one moment I am happy and fine… I could last that way throughout the entire day. Then when it becomes night time and my boyfriend and I have gotten into a fight, then it’s initially my fault. That he doesn’t need to be with someone like me. I begin to feel myself drown and get into a depression. I don’t understand half the things that I think about or what goes on in my mind, all I know is that it’s my fault.
I wake up the next morning and it’s gone. I feel better about myself, and the page has turned.
I enjoy drawing and writing, so most of the time that is how I releave my anger. Or I listen to music. I haven’t SI myself in a very long time, I’m afraid I will. & When I do, my boyfriend will leave me, my parent’s will be furious, and no one will be there to help. In my opinion I don’t feel I grow the need to attract attention, but I mostly just want clarity and understanding with my feelings/emotions and what is going on. Right now my mind is in an endless fog.