sometimes i wonder how i ended up so alone,  like one day i just woke up and realized i had no one to talk to . no one to tell my problems to.  i dont know when that happened.  i have great friends.  but i still dont want to talk to them.  i feel like they have been through the struggle with me from day 1 (7 years ago) and i dont want them to think im some needy person.  and im not. im always there for them.  i always help them when they need it.  i know i CAN  talk to them. but i always feel like im a burden.   but idk.  i feel like a broken record just going on and on about being alone.  i know we are virtually alone, no one else is literally doing what your doing.  but at the same time you can go through life with others.   idk my mom was complaining to me the other day about her life, my sister in law tells me all her problems, my dad tells me all his problems, my aunt always tells me her problems.  and here i am, listening to all these people complain on a daily basis.  who do i have to talk to?  to tell them i want to SI too often.  i dont however ( the si part).  i keep my tools close to me so i COULD, but i dont.  i know its bad for me. but the want and need for it never goes away.  but then if i tell them that theyll think im sick.  theyll think im mentally ill. im not. i just need something to make me feel better.  and since talking to someone isnt an option the ony thing that makes things better is SI.  ive been good for almost two weeks. i dont know how much longer ill be until the next time.  ill be back soon enough. it seems like this site is my only true friend.  i can come here and say exaclty whats on my mind.  does that make my real friends… fake? whatever.