I havent blogged in a looong time but i need an outlet again…I am doing ok with SIing right now but the thought is constantly on my mind. I used to do it multiple times everyday and now i only do it like once every one or two weeks which is good i guess but i just wish i could completly stop. I really dont even know why i do it anymore…i guess it just keeps me going when im feeling lost or empty..ive tried other methods like working out and stuff but they never work. I just wish i had the willpower and strength to overcome it and stay clean.

Well i went to another funeral today..this one was for a freinds grandpa but as i was sitting there i kept thinking why does God keep taking such good people away?? The other day i got the news that a guy from my school was killed and so was his friend. They were 18 and 21 and waaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy to young to die.  Last year at around this time my friend was killed in a freak car accident and he was only 17…These people had so much more they still wanted to accomplish in life so why did God have to end it soooo soon!! Soooo many people that i loved have died in the last year or so, and im getting sick of it!!Im sick of the funerals, sick of seeing people hurt from their loss, sick of these freak accidents that keep occuring and sick of feeling scared that at any moment i could lose someone because death is a whole lot more real now!! I used to go through life and see other peoples tradgedys on the news and id feel bad but i thought there is no way that will ever happen to me…well things do happen and its scary and horrible but i guess we just have to deal with what weve been given right? People say its better to have loved someone and lose them then to never have know them at all, which, yes i agree is completely true but the pain you feel after theyre gone sometimes just doesnt go away..Life is short and things happen that we dont always understand. Hopefully we will find some meaning behind it at some point but for now i guess ill just keep my head up, pretend everything is ok and move through life enjoying what time i have left with the people God has placed in my life.

RIP  Keri(3/18/09), Major(4/20/09),Grandma (5/7/09),  Nancy (6/12/09), Darren and Owen(3/24/10), and Norman (3/25/10)           Watch over me:))