So I haven’t SIed since Monday, a small accomplishment. But it is always on my mind. I promised them I wouldn’t SI again, I promised myself I wouldn’t SI, but I’m not sure I can do it. Last night was a good night for me, I did what a ‘normal’ 16 year old should, but the dark thoughts are slowly starting to pollute my mind again. It’s taking so much self control not only to SI, but to not do other things as well. But it’s almost like, who really cares. I saw a counselor during the week, worst experience ever. It is just not for me. I felt like a freak show, just another typical SIer, just another typical messed up teen, how are we going to fix this one? It was horrible. But I’m scared because I need help… My worst fear at this point is I’ll end up in the hospital for who knows what. I just have this image in my head of me in there and it almost seems to get more and more clear everyday. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Have I waited too long? Is it too late?…

I encourage everyone who is going through this battle to stay strong. Find strength in your weakness. I know it’s what I need to do. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re a screw up, don’t let anyone manipulate you by telling you it’s your fault. I blame myself everyday for this mess, but I know I’m wrong in doing that. Just keep pressing on each day. The most amazing person told me the other day to find something positive in everything I do. I’m trying and it has helped a bit. But seriously, we are going through one of the toughest battles, by over-coming this we can prove we can do anything. By finding our strength, by resisting the urge we are accomplishing so much. We are beautiful people created by the most amazing God. Lets get through this together.

Don’t ever give up.