I’ve been on a roller coaster lately trying not to SI, but its really getting to me. It’s affecting me in ways that make me hate myself even more. Because of my depression I just want to eat and I can feel the pounds adding up and it makes me even more depressed so I eat more. I’m scared I’m trying to replace a bad habbit with another bad habbit. I’ve always been happy with my skinny body but now that I’m trying to stop SI its just becoming a weird mess in my eyes.
I’m becoming overwhelmed with family emergencies. My grandfather is basically laying in his deathbed and he’s telling me about death, its just all getting to me that he’s going to leave me soon.
I had a break down in class today, my friend told me if I don’t get help by tomorrow she’s going to tell my family that I SI. She is trying to help but all her help is doing is making me build up hate for her and every little thing.
I need to relax, I’m becoming scared of how I’m going to react when I’m on my own. I’m 17 and soon to be 18, I don’t want my parents to see me as an adult who has lost their mind.
I guess I needed to vent in this blog.