Last night I injured for the first time in almost 3 months. I felt so much stronger. I didn’t get anyone to help me. When I tried that I ended up having to leave everything I knew and start over. I was getting stronger, I felt like I could make it. But I was sooo sad. Nothing was making me happy. So I gave into the always constant urges last night. I thought I would regret it. But I feel better now. Like everything’s gonna be okay. I’m so confused now. I thought injury made you feel worse… not better.
If injuring yourself didn’t “help” to some extent, people wouldn’t keep on doing it. The problem is, that it is an extremely temporary “fix”. Whatever feelings made you want to injure in the first place, keep coming back – because you’ve just pushed them aside temporarily. I always tell people that if it was something that worked in the long run, we’d probably be teaching people to injure, rather than helping them stop. The simple truth is it’s not a positive path. Having to physically hurt yourself to feel better briefly is not the way to get through the difficult feelings that come up. You don’t deserve that. You deserve to be able to have some support, to get THROUGH the hard stuff and come out the other side. I believe you can do that, but it’s not easy. And it means asking for support – we ALL need support now and then. Things can get better, you just have to try.
Cookie Crumbs~
There way a time in my life when I thought SI was the best thing I could’ve done, that making my own pain would some how make me stronger. I thought I’d never have to ask for help and that I was a super human because I could take the pain that I was bring on myself. Well, that was about two years ago and I now realize how wrong I was. You have to talk to someone and realize that injuring isn’t a good thing at all. If you ever need to talk email me at emo_chick44608@yahoo.com. 😀
~emo2010