I can see myself fading, decomposing into the life around me. I’m not really sure what I miss more, the SI, or what I had before the SI. I’m in way over my head. People tell me I’ll get through this, but I just don’t believe it. My mind is foggy, my life is fading. So much has happened, and now I’m losing hope. I’m forgetting all that I knew, the love God has for me, the promise I have. I’m forgetting it all. What scares me the most is I won’t graduate, I’ll give in to the stupid things that haunt my mind. My worst fear is I’ll give up completely. My worst fear is losing my hold on reality. I’m so scared. I have lost myself. People ask me if I’m okay. What really is okay any ways? What is normal? Is it the fake smile people plaster on their faces? Is it the money people hide behind? Is normal really all that great? Should I even bother trying anymore? Should I even bother? I’m being taken apart, I’m losing my faith. I only pray that God will keep others from getting to where I am at.