So, I feel like I have been posting here an awful lot lately. I apologize, but I need to talk about this. I would write about it, but I have no paper at the moment to write on since all of my belongings are still in transition to my new lonely place.
I feel so very alone and I am getting more nervous as each minute passes to the time when I have to begin my new position in this new city I know nothing about. I long for some source of comfort. My finace who is my love and life, is still back where I used to live. I am without him too. I miss him. I miss everything.
I can’t help but want to find comfort in SI. I have not thought about SIing in several months, but now it is the thing I think about daily. My scars are a part of me. I have not really paid attention to them in a long time. But now I am obsessing about it. The more I look at myself, the more I want to SI. Although I don’t have my belongings with me at the moment, there are still plenty of tools within arm’s reach. It scares me to think this way. But I am starting to obsess. I know hurting myself is not going to change anything at the moment, but I feel like it will offer some comfort to, and I need comfort so badly right now.
I am thankful and extremely blessed to be where I am today, coming from where I was as a child/teenager. I endured so much, and now I have a chance to really make something of myself. I am just so scared. And now the SI thoughts are making me scared too.
Again, I apologize for all the posts. Lately I have felt I can handle things appropriately, but I am not sure at the moment.