this is my first time blogging…i guess…but ive started SIing in 7th grade im in 8th grade now….and im in control of nothing. I guess im supposed to be the perfect kid..im president of student council in honors in every subject the athlete the popular the lead in the musical..but i dont have control over that, and im just never good enough for any of the i dont know what to do to make myself better. i am what they want me to be. i feel that when i SI i have control over that its the one thing that i have total control over. but i know its bad..i think ive lost control over that too..all i want to do it cry and SI. i looked for support from my friends by showing one of my SI just to see if they cared…they didnt…so i just kept doing it. I even tried to make my feelings really prominent in front of teachers to see if they would ask  so i could talk to someone..anyone..but all i got from that was “im very disappointed in you” i dont even know what i do to be disappointed in anymore…i dont know anything…i dont control anything..and i just needed to talk to someone….i tried i did..to stop. but i couldnt. i dont control anything anymore. and i need this small bit of control so i dont go crazy…anyone out there know what im talking about?