One day, after a long hard night…
I was driving down the road with my bestfriend, and I took my precious metal items and tossed them out the window into the countryside.
She held my hand, and we both loved the decision I had just made.
I didn’t need them anymore at that moment.
All I needed were the beautiful people that are in my life and who love me.
However, I can’t help but notice how I threw some pieces of myself out of the window too.
There are/were parts of me wrapped up in those sacred items.
They were my safe haven for so long.
They gave me, release…relief, when nothing else could and I loved them for that.
Enough to hold on to them for so long even after I embarked on my journey to stop.
They were like a friend to me, something I held special for the good that it had brought me, even if in the end it wasn’t really good at all.
And how looking back now, I can’t help but feel small morsels of regret for giving them up, giving it up.
I want to everyday.
Retrieve them, Use them, Connect with them again.
These objects I used to such self destruction, I can’t help but call back.
I refuse the battle everyday.
Stray away from any thought of it.
Know, I can never go back to the way things were.
And in all honesty, probably truly don’t want to.
But, it’s hard.
Everyday it is.
I need to know I can do this.
:'( / :’) i’m so glad you threw them out of your life and i truely hope that you remain strong-you can do it!- i understand completly that feeling and i know how hard it is to leave them thrown out, it will get easier eventually, i promise!
i have to say i totally envy you
i’ve bee trying to thrown mine out for the past 3 months
and i have not found the courage to do it yet
that is so awesome
and i hope that someday i can be as brave as you
🙂
It was such a hard process, and took me so long to do it too.
I was just finally at that point, when I had expirienced pain and chose not to injure, but to call my friend and go stay at her house instead.
So, when it came down to it, I knew for the first time that I really didn’t NEED them like I had once thought, I truly did not need to hurt myself anymore.
And I looked at my scars and regretted them for the first time.
And I promised myself in that moment, never again.
Everyone else can try to hurt me all they want, but I will never hurt myself again.
And since then I haven’t.
But it’s so hard.
I hope that you both can fun the strength to do what you need to.
I’m here if you ever need to talk.
I can also give you my email or myspace or facebook. 🙂
Just let me know.
You are worth the struggle to get better.
We all are.
It’s nice to have friends along for the ride.