One day, after a long hard night…
I was driving down the road with my bestfriend, and I took my precious metal items and tossed them out the window into the countryside.
She held my hand, and we both loved the decision I had just made. 
I didn’t need them anymore at that moment.
All I needed were the beautiful people that are in my life and who love me.
However, I can’t help but notice how I threw some pieces of myself out of the window too.
There are/were parts of me wrapped up in those sacred items.
They were my safe haven for so long.
They gave me, release…relief, when nothing else could and I loved them for that.
Enough to hold on to them for so long even after I embarked on my journey to stop.
They were like a friend to me, something I held special for the good that it had brought me, even if in the end it wasn’t really good at all.
And how looking back now, I can’t help but feel small morsels of regret for giving them up, giving it up.
I want to everyday.
Retrieve them, Use them, Connect with them again.
These objects I used to such self destruction, I can’t help but call back.
I refuse the battle everyday.
Stray away from any thought of it.
Know, I can never go back to the way things were.
And in all honesty, probably truly don’t want to.
But, it’s hard.
Everyday it is.
I need to know I can do this.