My pain, its not that big. It’s quite small actually. I struggled with self injury way longer than necessary. It doesn’t consume my thoughts anymore, but it’s still there, in the back of my mind. People kept telling me, “Oh! I’ll help you!” “You need to see a counseler. I’ll take you.” “Of course I’ll always be here for you.” “If your ever discouraged, give me a call. I’ll make you feel better.” They never helped me… They never intended to. They were just lying. I’m so tired of being lied to.
I decided that I had to help myself since no one else would. I knew what I was doing was wrong, I had known it all along. I wanted help and no one was going to give it to me. I had to find it on my own. I’m better now. I haven’t injured in a while. I don’t get urges very often… Well… Actually…. I have urges ALL the time. Sometimes I’ll feel so much stronger than other times. But sometimes… I feel all is lost and there’s no point in fighting.
I want to give in… So bad! But I’m so scared to. Scared of what I’ll have to go through again like last time, that really was awful and I hated it. But I told people. I was looking for help. This time… If I don’t tell anyone then it won’t be like that this time. It’ll be okay right? No…
Just because I haven’t injured in a while doesn’t mean that I’m okay :/