So weekends are difficult for me. I hate having the time to think and be alone. I would much rather work all day and then come home to programs on tv and finally go to bed. The weekends are when most of my SI happens. I haven’t done anything this weekend – well, unless you count coloring my hair black. Normally I have light brown hair and once it was even blond. I think the color fits me better right now. My mom is all worried about me ‘going goth” not that I think she even knows what that means. I like the difference and it’s pretty dramitic. I feel like I’m struggling to show on the outside what I’m feeling on the inside that doesn’t involve SI. It will be interesting to see what the people at work think of my hair. I care but in a way I don’t – I needed to do this, as silly as it seems. I know coloring my hair is so trivial but it’s something ya know. I feel like I’m screaming on the inside and no one I’m close to understands. I don’t know what to do any more.