I haven’t written anything on here in a while, but I have read a few.
I thought that after I chose to stop, that it would be easy. It was for a while, and I tried to forget about the tools and the scars, and for a while, I thought that it was all over.
It has been almost three months since I have self-injured. That broke my record by a ton, because the longest other than now was almost six weeks.
But a trauma happened. A trauma that is threatening to send me back over the edge, spinning and spiraling back to where I was before. A trauma with my only best friend I had left. I don’t have her anymore. I hate her more than anything, after what she did to me.
Now that friend is friends with this other girl and my other ex-best friend, who I wrote about on here a while ago, and they are laughing and having fun and pretending like nothing happened as I sit here, totally broken and isolated. Because almost nobody knows my secret. What she did to me. And I can’t tell people because I just… can’t bring myself to do it, and my parents aren’t letting me tell people.
I really really really really really infinite times really don’t want to go back to self-injuring, but I’m also injured (not self-injured, but by accident or too much dancing) and I haven’t danced in a really long time, and dance was the only thing that I could rely on. It was almost better, but the pain is coming back, and if the cast has to come back on, then I don’t know what I would do other than self-injure.
Any comments would be greatly appreciated. I hope you guys are doing okay,