My gosh! I’m so sick of fighting these urges!! I know I won’t give in again, I can’t do it. But there’s still these crazy urges! That come at the most bizarre times. I constantly ask myself why I haven’t given up and given in, I don’t see the point in fighting this anymore yet for some unknown reason I continue to fight and fight, I don’t know if I will fight until I die or just surrender. Surrender is easy, fighting takes courage. I want to surrender, but something won’t let me. I’m just ready for this internal battle to be over with, it has been going on for far to long. It feels like the Vietnam war, just pointless now. I’ve suffered too much. I’m ready to be done.