so i havent self injured fer like 2 months. . .  so last nite i was at my cousins house, we were just plaing call of duty and he jumped on me i thaught it was just play cause we always wrestle but it turns out he wasent playing and i couldent do anything and he raped me . now i feel dirty i cant even look in the mirror i feel like i had to do something wrong for god to punish me like this. i dont know how this happened to me i can remember when i was little and had no worries when my parents were always there for me. i feel like this is all my moms fault she was outside the house when this happened she had to hear me screeming and she did nothing, never went in the house to check if i was okay. i hate my life i just wish i could dissapear how could one person suffer this much why doesent god just pick me up and take me away and make it all better idk how to deal with this tho . . .  if yall have any idea what to do please tell me cause i dont want to go to old habits