It’s been 36 days since I have SIed. A HUGE accomplishment for me. It means SO much to me. But for months, every night I sing myself to sleep with my own songs and hums and groans of agony and despair. I don’t know where these come from, I hate the feeling. It’s awful. Last night, for the first time in so long I fell asleep at peace. Nothing was wrong, I even think I was smiling. But tonight, I’m back in the same place. I figured I’d write before I go to bed, and crumble into the blankets, hugging my knees and crying until I can stand it no longer and drift off to a dark dreamless sleep. I hate this. After this feeling comes on it never goes away, no matter how hard I try. 🙁
Good Night All, Now you know my mind.