I went to SAFE about two years ago, and one of the things we were taught there was that self-injury kills relationships, far more than it ever can to save them. Well, I’ve pretty much just proved that theory. As if it wasn’t proof enough to lose several of my closest friends over the years and the trust of my closest friends now, I almost lost my boyfriend from relapsing again today.

He was going through his own issues, and I decided to make everything worse for him by hurting myself. It scared me enough to tell him, and I had to fight very hard to keep him from breaking up with me. He said that if I hadn’t told him and he found out later, he probably would have broken up with me. Now our relationship is on thin ice, and I’m terrified of doing anything to ruin it- self-injury is obviously out of the question, but I’m afraid to so much as breathe incorrectly.

The thing is, given the option between keeping self-injury that will never leave me and keeping my boyfriend, whom I am very much in love with but am far too close to pushing away, I’d pick my boyfriend. I just really hope I still have the choice to make.