I honestly didn’t know what to do anymore… and I remembered this site that was mentioned in a magazine. I’ve been SI-ing since April last year, after my boyfriend broke up with me… I really loved him and since we weren’t allowed to be together because of age differences things hurt even worse. When we were allowed to be together he made me feel beautiful and smart and special… without him I felt lost, ugly, and unlovable. It was only a few weeks after he broke up with me that I started to SI. Soon after I did it, actually, a couple days after, my father found out. He approached it well, and offered I go to a therapist… But due to past experiences with guidance counselors I refused… I still feel he should at least try to do something about it… talk to me about my day, talk to me like he really cares. But he never listens to me and never cares… I live in a house where no one trusts me and I get put down constantly, being called names and treated like I can’t do anything right; both comments have been forced into my mind and no matter how much I try I can’t get them out, and I’m starting to believe them.

I’ve tried to get help through my friends by talking to them. Many know I SI and they have all seemed very sad but I still feel none of them really care. My one friend told me how great I was and for a while I started to believe him and feel good about myself again. During this time period, my ex and I got back together, but still had the same conditions as before… And my friend told me to let him go, so I did, because I truly believed it was the right thing. But then those good feelings I were having vanished when he wrote a very immature and hurtful reply (we were talking by the internet). I started to slip back into my depressive state. No matter how much people told me they cared, I would still end up crying a lot and SI-ing. I also have been having many dark thoughts. My mother knows (who I don’t live with), my sister knows (who I don’t live with), and my grandparents know. Since this was just recently, they haven’t done anything.

My mom thinks I feel like this because of my living condition, but I know that’s not the entire reason I’ve been feeling like this. I am very uncomfortable in my own body… I have a medical condition and it’s not something simple with nothing you have to do because of it… There are things that I have to do (I’m not going into detail) that have given me low self-esteem because every day at school all I can think of is how much of a freak I am. I have surgical scars and every time I change for gym I am self-conscious. I see all of the prettier girls there, nothing wrong with them. It just makes me feel worse…

So someone, please save me…