In March, I will have not self injured for 4 years. This seems like a great accomplishment…but I still think about self injuring every day. Especially lately….its constantly on my mind. I have a lot of other issues with anxiety and panic attacks and lately I’ve been so numb. I’m completely unmotivated. I think of things I’d like to do or projects I’d like to start and they seem great…until I actually try to do them. I stop and would rather just sit here doing nothing. I don’t even know what I do all day. I don’t remember where the hours go. Its starting to cause problems in my marriage because my husband doesn’t know what to say to make me act “normal” again. I only know one thing that will make me feel again and it’s the one thing I’m trying to stay away from. Will I ever get past this? Will I ever be able to not have SI constantly on my mind?
First can I say congratulations on nearly 4 years free of S.I. I don’t know if you realize how big of an accomplishment that is. That’s 3 whole years more than I’ve ever been able to free myself of this horrible addiction. As for feeling normal and getting back into the scheme of things, I honestly do think you’re capable of freeing yourself from this state of mind. I know hearing it from me- someone who blantantly admits to not going anymore than a year between SI is probably easy to disregard, but my excuse is having something horrible happen and SI was literally all I had. You said you were married, try being as completely honest with him as you can. If anything, let him read this blog. He married you for who you are, not what you are. If you’re still in therapy make sure he/she knows you’re going through a rough patch. My mom has always said to me “This too shall pass.” At times it’s annoyed me, but it is so true. Try to keep your head up and focus on the accomplishments you’ve made.
I hope this helps.
I am in the same situation as you. Its been many years since I’ve done anything, but the urges still happen. I’m married and my husband is just like your, he tries to be supportive, but can only be so supportive because he has no idea really what to do.
I talked to a doctor friend of mine recently about what’s going on and he said basically that its normal to feel these urges – and probably will for years. The best thing to do is to keep communication open between you and your spouse and find other opportunities to grow and such you don’t do it. If you feel its too serious and hard to handle, join a support group or seek help.
I found it helpful to have a “substitute” activity that I could do instead of these urges and it has helped.
It’s hard, but I know you can – I’m trying every day too! Good luck!