I’m sitting here today feeling numb and completely shutdown from everything & everyone. I don’t have any hope of ever giving up SIing. The reason why I say this and it may be sick is that it’s the only way that I feel anything. Right now and for quite a while I haven’t felt much of anything except co9ldness in my life. I’ve been thinking a lot about how maybe the abuse I suffered was my fault and that I did ask for it I don’t know anymore. I’m tired of being judged and all these voices inside of my head telling me I will never amount to anything and I will never be important enough to anyone. I just feel like hurting myself because it’s the only constant thing I know that is always there. I’m sorry if this sounds stupid and idiotic, but I cant’ do this anymore.