I feel so hopeless, lost, numb. I cry EVERY night and I can’t get the though of self harming out of my head. I went 20 days without doing it. Often times I wanted to SOOO bad that the only thing I could do was pace the house until I was so tired that all I could do was sleep. A lot of times I would stay up til 3 or 4 in the morning just trying to not self harm. I heard the only way to get rid of a habit was to starve it to death. I’m trying to do that, but when you go without feeding something the desire is so much stronger until one day the habit can’t fight anymore and just slips away. The hardest part is fighting through that strengthening desire… and I can’t do it. Like I said, I went 20 days without self harming and I screwed up last night. So now I’m on day 1 again… and I don’t think that I can make it.