I’m so sick of the urges to SI. I haven’t SI’d in 20 days. I’m so proud of myself. It feels great to know that I have this self control. But everyday, for no reason at all, at random times, a lot of time when I’m in the car, I get these almost, not quite, but almost overwhelming urges to SI. Even though I’m not in this fight alone, I feel like I am. I don’t really know how to explain the battle going on inside my head about this. Or the reason for the urges, the triggers, I don’t know what they are. The urges are just SO random… I can pinpoint anything that wants to make me SI, well other than upset people. I sympothize with people to an unsafe level, it makes me feel so numb and empty. So I SI to make sure I can still feel something. But it’s not like I ask people what their probems are.. The just come find me. Like they expect me to just understand where they are coming from. I don’t come here a lot to comment on peoples blogs, I know that reading them makes me want to SI. But I do write here a lot…
This is random and strange. But I’m horrible at putting my thoughts on to paper… or even just into words.