Today I Injured myself.  My friend and I had a conversation today that triggered it. She was talking about how she thought it was funny that one store does not sell condoms. I asked her why she knew that since she is waiting to lose it to her boyfriend. She said that she was wanting them just in case something happened. After she said that I started thinking to myself why she was waiting to lose it to her boyfriend untill March. She reminded me that she is waiting until she is 15 to lose it and that made something inside of me just snap. I was in an abusive relationship with a boyfriend that I got when I was 12 years old. He took my virginity from me and he abused me in every way possible for the next three months and her saying that reminded me that I lost it when I was 12 years old to someone who was the biggest resentment in my life and that I could never get that back. Now in my life, I have been with my wonderful boyfriend of 7 months steven that I love with all my heart and every day that we are together it hurts even more than I cant give myself to him in that way, that I cant share that special moment with him and create that special memory with him. I will always have the same horrific memory of what my previous boyfriend did to me and the terrible memory of my first time. I cant get past this event in my history and I detest that it is a part of me and every time that I think about it it makes me feel so small inside and makes me want to SI so badly. I cant escape the memory and the guilt i feel when I think about what happened.

:/