After a year with no injuring, I started up again. I’m really not sure why I started but I did. Well if I think about it I am under a lot of STRESS and just feel this strong need for release. Sure there are other safer ways to release stress but there is something compelling about self-injuring that I just am not willing to overlook. I am making a choice and for right now it’s not a good choice. I don’t deserve to hurt myself but yet feel like I do. I just want to hurt, to feel something rather than being numb. I am so overwhelmed by what is going on in my life right now that it’s a relief to feel the pain. I’ve been depressed for months now. I am under a Dr.’s care and we are adjusting medication. I also started seeing a new therapist that I like and dislike. She makes me work and that’s good but I’m just in this mood to withdraw and don’t feel I have the energy to do the cognitive stuff. Maybe that’s why I fell back into this old pattern. I’m not willing to do the work to keep safe and the old pattern is something familiar. I’d say it’s comforting in some twisted way too. I know I can stop again. I’m hoping the med changes will help me not feel so depressed so I can have a clear head again and feel grounded. Anyway, just needed to vent.