i can’t remember. and i never thought I wouldn’t. and the entire process of gripping to vague memories has changed my perspective on most everything. Possibly because when the memories were crisp and comprehendable, they were drenched in pain and sorrow and anguish. so much so that i wanted them to go away forever. it seems as if, even though the pain never goes away, all the positives in my life are momentary. temporary. i dont want to look for things i’ve never seen. and i don’t want to commit to them either because everything changes. But the feeling of being left behind, that never does. it hurts now and it will hurt just the same next time. your supposed to understand as you get older, but sometimes i feel more lost than ever. lost in beauty, hope, and momentary things. so i choose consistent things. night skies and unknown places. and i am too selfish to share them with anyone im close to all of the time. Because you’ll go away. you’ll all fade away. and those few consistent things in my life will be tinged with the bittersweet memories you imprinted. i’ll cry a little too much and you’ll forget a little too soon. this is the thought process i cant get rid of. but believe me, i’m trying. because sad memories with people who truely care, are better then no memories at all. things change. but you have to take risks. in order to feel true happiness you must have some sort of pain to compare it too. i know this. i’m just not sure why i’m still so teribly scared…