I SI’ed again because of my boyfriend or ex-boyfriend, or whatever he is. He decided we should take a break for a month and not talk during that month,because I was starting to wonder if I deserve him and he said in a month if we feel that way then its over,but if not we are not over. I agreed to it but I didn’t want to do it. I love him and i don’t want to lose him to another girl. I’m afraid he will find another girl that is better than me,and I  can’t seem to get rid of the urge to SI some more. I love him so much it keeps on hurting me even when we were together it hurt me. I just love him so much. I am getting all confused and scared again. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t do this anymore. I want him back but I promised him that I wouldn’t talk to him for a month. This is all my fault and I know it. I feel lousy because of this. Its so painful to deal with.