Does anyone else do things they know could be triggering, but do them anyway? I was just filling out a job application online that asked for the street addresses of my past employers. I’ve never had to do that. For one of mine I always put X school, Y city, Z state. I put Y city because that’s its mailing address. The actual school moved to a different city (after I resigned). So I went to their website to find what street they are located on. I knew from past experience, when I needed to find their phone number, that that was a trigger. But I did it anyway instead of asking someone else to look it up for me.
I hate that I did that. I hate remembering working there. I hate remembering the people I worked for and enduring their abuse. And it’s kind of ironic this should happen now because it’s close to a year that I resigned. January 29th was the day last year when the abuse really escalated and three weeks later I was gone.
I know I’m safe, I know they can’t do anything to me anymore…I just wish I didn’t have these memories in my mind (and heart). After a lot of hard work I am able to forgive them and move on…I just didn’t expect to be so acutely triggered by these memories again (or at least, today).