I’m sitting here. Wanting to take a shower so my tears can mix with the water. Wanting the world to end. I’m thinking of the dark thoughts I had over my dark dark summer. I’m sitting wanting to know why I’m still here. In my past life-if there is a sort thing-did I do something? I know why I live-so Jesus can see and love the world everyday, so he can experience your feelings. Why would he want to feel my feelings? Why does this happen. I’ve been clean for almost four months. I can take it. I’m always the one falling off the wagon. I don’t like feeling this way. I’ve been so clean, so happy.
As my tears fall I think of the damage I’ve made the pain caused. Would anyone miss me if I’m gone? I don’t like these dark thoughts. I’m used to them and it’s wrong. Can’t people see through my smile?
I’m sorry for the pain I caused mom. I’m sorry I broke both our hearts Mitchell. You both forgiven me but I can’t forgive myself.
I need help. I’m the one usually helping but I can’t stand it. Please. Help me