I have SI’d for about two years now.  I stopped for 4 months and then my world turned upside down.  My father passed away with still an open case as to how he died.  He drowned, That’s all they know.  My mom is getting more on me about my grades because my sister is a straight A student and if im not breaking myself down to catch up to her im not trying at all apparenlty.  My best friend SI’s herself and is my rock, my support I would be nothing without her, I wouldn’t be here without her.  My mind is strong enough to handle what is going on in my life, because growing up things weren’t  good either.  I have gotten used to being let down, hurt and replaced, Especially replaced.  My heart tells me I am missing something and I have felt this way for a long time now, no guy ive found yet can fill that emptiness, I miss a lot of people from my past well one in peticular, An ex in some ways, one that replaced me as soon as he had the chance, he was the only one who took his knowledge of me SI’ing and tried to understand why and help me, then I lost him and think about him to this day.  I want to open up to new people but I can’t handle getting hurt again.  My father SI’d he was sick with manic depression and biopolar disorder.  Everytime I SI I can’t help but feel like my father would be dissapointed in me, But I drive myself nuts with no where to run to if  i cannot SI.  Some part of me yearns to SI and It scares me sometimes,  I truly am a peachy, good-hearted person but I just get walked over too much…

 Help?Comments?