I have been injuring for 6 years. I haven’t for about 3 weeks now. I have decided to quit. I have decided to quit many times before and only once has it lasted longer than a month. It was a secret until a few months ago when a few friends found out. Recently, more friends and my couches have found out. I wish people could keep secrets.

Self injuring is ruining my life. It is ruining my athletic performance. It is ruining my grades. It is ruining my friendships. It has ruined my romantic relationships. It is ruining my relationships with my family. I want to stop. I need to stop. I don’t know how.

For the past month, I have been talking to people and researching on line. I don’t know what to do. Everybody else wants me to go to a counselor but I struggle immensely with speaking. I don’t know what to say and even when I do, I can’t make words come out. I don’t want anyone else to know. I don’t like being associated with this problem. I don’t want to go to counseling but it is beginning to seem like I have no other options. I have so many positive things going for me in my life. I’m happier now than I have ever been but I still have bad days and turn to hold habits. Every time I SI, it seems as though I am throwing everything that I have worked so hard to achieve away.

I went to the counseling facility on campus and they refuse to see me. They referred me to other facilities that are far away and expensive or are cheap but require that they video tape your sessions because they are training facilities and watch you in class. The thought of that terrifies me. I want to fix things. I really do, but I don’t know what I can do. I found this site while researching online. Does anyone know how I can fix this?

Thank you for your time.