I am 14 years old. I have been SI for maybe…half a year now? I really really want to stop. I’m sick of all the scars. I’m sick of being scared to be alone because I’m afraid of what I might do to myself. I just want to be normal and happy.
I know I am depressed. I have been ever scince fifth grade. I thought I was getting better though, guess not. See, when I was really little (about five) my dad left. And that was ok…I guess. Then right aroung that time, my mom maried a new guy…and by the time I was ten, he had killed himself. Now my mother hates me. And I feel like I hate my self.
I told my best friend, and she took it ok. She tryed to help. And she truley did! I just started it again on acedent. She understood the second time too, but I keep sliping up. And I know she loves me, shes the reason I try so hard. But I feel so guilty. So unbelivably guilty all the time. For everything. I feel like a bother to everyone. And when i look at the big picture, I know im not. I know people want to help. I just feel like I’m troubling everyone.
At first when I SI, it was less. Now I get so out of control. I am scared I might acedently REALY hurt myself. I hate being scared all the time. I wish I had never done it. I feel like I need it now. And I get panic attacks…and it feels like SI is the only thing that makes me breath again. what can I do? How can I control myself? I feel like a monster. How do I Fix it?