I don’t have a hard life compared to people
I have a boyfriend who loves me, a family that wants what’s best for me, a therapist who would go to the end of the world to make sure im alright
Why do i feel like a burden. Why cant i just be fine.
Ever since September things have gone down hill. My friends deaths. It’s like a piece of my heart was stolen from me. I cant be happy anymore.
I try but it’s like Depression has a hold on me and im losing.
Injuring has been a problem. I do it when im sad or mad or frustrated or numb or hurt. SO MANY THINGS.
Its like a cure all and i cant stop. I feel ugly unbeautiful and lost. Im angry at myself for doing this. I hate myself for doing this. i do this to make up for the feelings. Im addicted
How do i tell the man that i love this without scaring him away. How can i hurt my parents by burdening them with the news im injuring again. How can i let my therapist know that all the months of hard work was for NOTHING. How can i do this to them? So i keep it shut away. I cover up so maybe they wont notice. Im stupid and immature but they dont know im hurting them.
I want to be happy. I want Duane to know but how do i tell him? Im scared. I need to stop
I want to stop but its so hard
Maybe i’ll rise above this
i want to try
but i dont want to fail
i know exactly what your going through. i know it is hard and you feel completely alone, i feel the exact same way. but i’m learning that you have to let them know, and if they truly love you and care about you then all they will do is help you and try and make you feel better. your not burdening them, its not your fault. its an addiction you have to deal with every day. all the hard work your putting into this will pay off, it has to. maybe it didn’t help this time, but down the road it will. i can’t tell you the solution to this, i am currently trying to find one myself, but you have to know that there is another way. we just can’t see it right now because of the depression. keep talking to your therapist because it can only help you. i’ve learned that being completely honest feels way better that constant lies. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE, YOU ARE NOT STUPID, you have to realize that. tell yourself that everyday. you are a good person who is loved and just needs help. you will never know if you can get better if you don’t try and you can and will get better.