I don’t have a hard life compared to people

I have a boyfriend who loves me, a family that wants what’s best for me, a therapist who would go to the end of the world to make sure im alright

Why do i feel like a burden.  Why cant i just be fine.

Ever since September things have gone down hill.  My friends deaths.  It’s like a piece of my heart was stolen from me.  I cant be happy anymore. 
I try but it’s like Depression has a hold on me and im losing.

Injuring has been a problem.   I do it when im sad or mad or frustrated or numb or hurt.  SO MANY THINGS.

Its like a cure all and i cant stop.  I feel ugly unbeautiful and lost.  Im angry at myself for doing this.  I hate myself for doing this.  i do this to make up for the feelings.  Im addicted

How do i tell the man that i love this without scaring him away.  How can i hurt my parents by burdening them with the news im injuring again.  How can i let my therapist know that all the months of hard work was for NOTHING.  How can i do this to them?  So i keep it shut away.  I cover up so maybe they wont notice.  Im stupid and immature but they dont know im hurting them. 

I want to be happy.  I want Duane to know but how do i tell him?  Im scared.  I need to stop

I want to stop but its so hard

Maybe i’ll rise above this

i want to try

but i dont want to fail